And so we return to Stool Hats Digest, a week SHP newsletter. Read along for a look into the average week for a Stool Hat, and hopefully a few laughs!
TRUE PIRATE GAMES announces Harpo’s Dungeon 2 release this summer, with more to follow
It’s been over two years since Harpo’s Dungeon first hit the internet. After some planning, writing, and a whole lot of neglect, it was announced on Tuesday that the newly-formed TRUE PIRATE GAMES will be releasing the long-awaited sequel to the BSRPG classic. In addition, it was also teased that there will be another release would come sometimes afterwards, however, this game is slated to be a complete shift from the Harpo’s series.
The SHP-affiliated game studio imprint has confirmed that once releasing Harpo’s Dungeon 2, they will immediately begin working on a multiplayer arena fighting game, tentatively titled “STOOL HAT FGHTRZ”, which will feature each Stool Hat as a playable character with their own abilities, move set, and play style. SHP’s very own Bear Tamer and Black Lung have been brought on as consultants, due to their extensive knowledge of power scaling. The duo immediately began getting to work, with the only restriction being their promise to balance the scale as much as possible. We will continue following this story as the game development progresses.
McDick, Kevin’s Departing Gift, and the Finer Things in Life
There was a variety of links this week, all of which started Chiv, Dylan, Kevin, and Stoli and despite similar formulas, resulted in a wide host of energy and attitudes.
On Tuesday, the classic four met up with their sights set on McDonald’s. After the obligatory bullshit and cyph, they placed their orders and rolled up to the Mc drive through, eager to be graced by its presence — Or so they thought. In an unprecedented move by the praised establishment, a drive-thru worker forced his dick right into the center of Dylan’s McFlurry, which both frustrated and distressed him.
“Yo this guy put his dick in my McFlurry! What the fuck! Yo, yo, fuck you bro. Fuck you” — Dylan
However, the Duke couldn’t allow himself to be swayed too far, as ice cream is still ice cream, especially when it’s from the Mc.
“Of course I’m going to eat it anyways” — Dylan
The quad then settled down for a few episodes of Community, before returning home for the night.
On Thursday, the links struck again, but, this time, with a bit of a messy start. Due to circumstances that even the most oblivious of SHP fans can guess, the link did not begin until around midnight, where the NYC Wing then proceeded to take a trip to Manhattan for Japanese food. Despite low spirits on the trip to the famous island, the energy began to shift once entering the previously unknown restaurant, as Kevin began to ponder the brevity of existence and the therefore fractional nature of links themselves in comparison. In awe of the dim lights and small lamp at the center of the table, Kevin took a moment to appreciate his cosmically limited time for links.
“When can we really get to do this? You just gotta enjoy the finer things in life” — Kevin
In that same spirit, Kevin had a very special surprise for other NYC StHats, revolving around their final link of the week on Friday evening.
The group met up a bit earlier than usually on Friday, leading to the rare presence of traffic during their regular pre-dining errands. As such, the gang was given ample time to decide where to eat, which was all thrown immediately out the window once Dylan saw the Cast Iron Pot. From that moment forth, it was bound to be a feast.
As usual, Stoli geared up to place an order. However, when he began reading the selected items off the menu, the Cast Iron employee cut him short, seemingly trying to get him to slow down. However, that didn’t last long. Over the course of their visit, the geographically locked crew continued to order and feast on just about as much food as they could handle while discussing high school, parental death, and the restaurant’s music selection. In a class act, Kevin picked up the tab, proving his true appreciation for the finer things. Thank you, Kevin.
The Rare Second Week
Against all odds, the modded Minecraft server survived another week. On Sunday, Chiv and Brian stayed up all night working on building out their homes and AE2 systems, only ending once Dylan joined the call around 8am the next morning. For the rest of the first half of the week, the modded server continued its dominance as the players got closer to their goals, with Stoli crafting an entire set of unobtainium armor. Brian, on the other hand, finally set up quarrying, leaving many to ask where the server should go from here, a dangerous precedent in Minecraft gaming. Still, the success of this server should be praised and we here at the Digest pray for its continued flourishing.
Bullshit Report
- Ramadan is Here has remained a top earner, with heavy debate over how much longer it can keep up its hot streak, especially with the season lapsing this week. However, Ramadan is Here seems to on track to becoming a bullshit staple, so don’t sell just yet!
- Vomit Canon might just be this quarter’s last dark horse, with its relevance continuing to grow, albeit at a humble rate.
- While its stock is not seeing any major changes, its worth noting that the Rleep Remon once again assaulted Dylan this past week, raising tensions between the Stool Hats and the supernatural once again.
Advice from the Bear Tamer
“They were cooking with the Mexican Mango”
Written by S.H.C.
Market Consultation by Duke Krym
Art by Bing Image Creator
”Stool Hats Digest” is a production of RINTERNET PUBLISHING, an internal division of PIRATE KING.
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